Time travelling for Dummies
by Ruby2003
Summary: Jane is in a very bad postion ,She has found the Tardis and the Doctor in her Apartment and, well She does not want to have anything to do with this, but the stupid supposed cliche fate thinks otherwise as she is dragged literally by the hair to the inside of the TARDIS and everything around it. NOW READ IT! please? :)
1. Chapter 1

**hi, have a cookie and enjoy this very crappily put together story about moi**

 **also a crazy sociopath just so you know**

Right, okay this was boring

so boring

Parents have gone to work on a business trick

convinced them that I could take of myself

I'm an idiot

too boring to handle for my stupid little mind I though to myself.

And that's when everything exploded and every character that I have known popped out of the ceiling.

nope,

did not happen... I wish it did.

No right now I was currently procrastinating on a important assignment due the tomorrow that was approximately 25% of my mark... something that I should not be procrastinating on indeed but it was to boring.

Also because I had recently gotten into Doctor Who, a show about crazy alien attacks and stupid people who have no COMMON SENSE!

Oh look, a random stranger who is obviously and Alien has showed up! What to do/

I know! I'll just travel with him to time and space! While also putting my self in danger while _also_ endangering everyone around because seriously.

It's 2015... who even exercises anymore?!

But I guess it was a fictional world and now I guess some people actually do exercise. Right time to make a list

 **HOW ARE MY CHANCES IN THE DOCTOR WHO WORLD!**

Exercise: I am okay at that, I'm stuck at home literally all the time but I'm good at long distance running and have competed in championships before, I can throw a few blockable punches, but seriously. A tiny 4"9 girl who gets mistaken by two grades lower all the damn time!? Not going to make it even in the Dora the Explorer universe. Jeez

Knowledge: pretty good, procrastinates A LOT though

social skills: heh, I'm obsessed with anime and other non sociol stuff

no face book (THE SHAME!)

No twitter (STOP THROWING STONES!)

and no instagram and other stuff (I SAID I'M SORRY!)

also extremely awkward in random situations but not clumsy...just awkward.

 **FINAL RESULT: PROBABLY GOING TO EXPLODE IN SPACE SOMEHOW, OR BREAK THE TARDIS BY ENTERING IT.**

 **FINAL VERDICT: SO GLAD I'M NOT IN IT RIGHT NOW!**

And this was when a curious noise sounded in the living room.

It was a wooshing sound

calming I guess, strange... It's sound's exactly like

.

Like.

.

The

.

.

TARDIS.

.

.

ASDFADJFASHFKJASHFH!

THE TARDIS! WHAT THE F*** IS THE TARDIS DOING IN MY TINY CRAMPED ARPARTMENT!? EXPLAIN!

And so I rushed out of the bedroom to where the TARDIS should be.

It was there. It was also pretty cool, I mean the outside didn't really matter but look at the beautiful supposed inside.

Right okay. WHY IS HE EVEN HERE? WHICH DOCTOR?WHICH TIMELINE? IS ROSE GONE YET? HAS THE TWELTH DOCTOR MAGICALLY APPEARED!? IS CLARA OSWIN OSWALD STILL DEAD! TELL ME NOW! And then the door creaked open.

S***

forget what I said about what I need to know, I am locking my self in the bathroom thank you very much.

And so I did. Using the crack beneath the door I saw the doors open and catched the glimpse of the inside

I wanted to faint

And then I saw the Tenth Doctor step out of the TARDIS door

I wanted to die

And then he took his sonic screwdriver out, waved around a few times,, muttered a phrase and proceeded to the bath room

WHAT THE F*** IS HAPPENING!GO AWAY REAL FICTIONAL CHRACTER, I'M NOT IN A DREAM OR ON DRUGS AND I NEED YOU TO GO NOW THANK YOU!

And so he unlocked the door, went into the bathroom and saw me in my state of mass shock.

which was reflected in his shock too.

This was a mirror of shock I was in, and then he looked around and said under his breath

'Hmmm, strange, the aura emitting from this room suggests a much older person but it turns out to only be a 4 th grade child"

no

he did not just insult my height

he's going to die

'OY YOU LITTLE BRAT ! WHO ARE YOU CALLING SMALL ! I'M NOT SMALL! I'M JUST SURROUNDED BY TALL PEOPLE LIKE YOU MR

6 FOOT MONSTER ALIEN THINGY MA BOB!"

And he looked shocked

well I was lunging for his bare neck not caring that he was famous and alien while my face was screaming bloody murder of a disturbingly grotesque image that I could somehow picture.

I had a weird childhood that I'm still in now.

He used witchcraft to dodge my hand murder and now I have a sore hand while also looking at the 'oncoming storm'

not really rainy if you ask me

* ba dum tish*

okay I'll leave

bye

...you know what no I won't

because right now he's looking at me like I was an alien

while grabbing his screwdriver...

I'm not trusting this worshipped man alien

No matter how fangirl worthy

I'm running

out the door with my wallet.

looking back at his stunned face I was running epically until

I well

ran into a pole

and I fainted in the most damn old lady way

prematurely.

YAY!

 **okay, next story I'll never update has been done**

 **but you don't know that**

 **so hurry up and R an' R while F an' F ing. I'll give you a cookie**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'M BACK B******! ONWARDS COOKIE VILLE!**

hahaha.

I fainted prematurely and now my head feels like a crazy Nazi party has used all the books and lit it on fire and now it's now exploded into fireworks.

Do not ask how this happened.

Right now I'm concerned about the cookie jar in my kitchen and stuff...so with the least cliche way I could do I opened my eyes...and well my reaction was less then lady like, or girl like. Fine it was:

 **F*** YOU LITTLE HUGE ALIEN B****!THE F*** DID YOU TO TAKE ME BACK TO YOUR TARDIS SHRINE THING! THE F*** IS THIS FOR! I'M NOT A FANGIRL, I DON'T FANGIRL much...I'M NOT AN ALIEN EITHER SO F*** YOU!**

yes yes... very ...colourful

well I was freaking out mentally and my face was a masterpiece of absolute shock.

Yes that happens, my eyebrows disappear and the other person also reflects the shock.

Alien or not he/she/it was not an exception.

What?he/she/it is an alien! We have no way of knowing F****** what he/she/it is...but because plot, let's just say that he's a male. Okay. next step... THE F***AM I HERE FOR?!

I am not a fan of Doctor Who! I do not have a crap life! I don't build Doctor Who Shrines! AND I'M A F****** MINOR!

Also I'm extremely

extremely... see I have this rare cliche hard pronounced rare disease that gives me heart attacks, so I need medication...but of course I am also given in trade an extremely good brain.

NO! I am a perfectly normal human being

who thinks studying is fun...right...

I STILL HAVE NO MENTAL CONDITION! I AM NOT A CLICHE MOTHERF****** CHARACTER THAT THE DOCTOR APPRECIATES AS THE PANSY "You show me the good of mankind" NO! I AM VIOLENT! FOULMOUTHED SMART AWESOME BRAGGY CHARACTER THAT THE DOCTOR WILL MOST LIKELY KICK OUT AFTER APPROXIMENTLY 2 MINUTES OF STAYING WITH ME... That actually makes me happy.

Two minutes in a creepy dimension

and then normality

sure

I'm up

unless fate screws me over

which usually happens

crap

darn it

damn it

F***

S***

I'M GOING TO DIE WITHOUT EATING PIZZA! I'M GONNA DIE A VIRGIN! F*** YOU STUPID ALIEN!

"are you okay?Well I mean hit with a strong radiation wave and slamming into a pole technically disclasses all cases of okayness.

Unless of course you are a superhuman or even...an alien" He puts on his brainy glasses

 _excuse me!_ Did you say strong radiation wave!? The F*** are you hitting innocent children for with that thing! I though your supposed to be friends with children/minors! Why did you hit A F****** innocent cookie loving child with a RADIATION WAVE for!?

Sitting up quickly I said quickly

"nope, nope nopity nope nope nope"

"what?" the Doctor said confused.

lightglobe

confuse the everloving s*** out of him so that he kicks me out

yes

plan go

"moooooo"

I mooed

"what? maybe the radiation wave did more then just stun" He said looking sorry

YES ! FEEL THE GOSH DARN PITY YOU SHOULD! AND SUFFER!

"MOOO!"

"are you even slightly sane?"

I mooed at you

how sane is that!?

"mooo,mo,moo,mo,moooooo,mo,moo,MOOOOOOO!"

COW TALK FOR THE WIN!

"hmm,it seems that the radiation did more then just stun"

You said that before

"I guess that I..."

yees...

"must take you"

YES..

"back"

YES! FOR THE WIN! OHHH YEAH!WOOT TIMELORDS DON'T COMPARE TO MY SASS!

"to the Tardis medical centre for scanning"

wait

...

what

WHAT!

NO BUT I'M INSANE! CRAP it was too convincing...

STALL HIM!

"wait..what mooo!"

Please stall him

"did you just? It seems it's not as much damage as I thought. Although somehow the radiation bolt altered so that you speak...cow?"

Bovine,Doctor.

Bovinge,

"well the Tardis should've been able to translate them so I'll check"

he looked at me

"you...stay here"

CRAP!

THE TARDIS TRANSLATION!

F***

I FORGOT! S***

GIBBERISH WAS BETTER. I'M NOT STAYING HERE

I'M OUT!

When I looked around the room it was

pink?

There was a bed and everything...

ah the guest room

but seriously

pink?

RIGHT BACK TO THE STUFF AT HAND

TRY TO RUN THE F**-

"what are you!?"

A deep manly voice-

who am I kidding

it was the doctor

no mystery no cliffy

nothing

oh wait, he found out

CRAPPITY F****** S***! WHAT DO I DO!


	3. Chapter 3

**I'M BACK B******! ONWARDS COOKIE VILLE!**

" I ask again, what are you?"

errrr...

right this is awkward, my brain is frozen. I bet that if this was a fanfiction this would be a writer's block.

.

.

.

*cricket chirps*

got it.

"I'm a cow"

BOOM! Doctor now answer

no wait

he's having a writer's block

 **Doctor's POV**

"I'm a cow"

the strange girl said

errr...

right this is awkward, my brain is frozen. I bet that if this was a fanfiction this would be a writer's block.

.

.

.

*cricket chirps*

nope

nothing

 **Jane POV**

"well if you don't mind I'll be leaving the TARDIS away forever! Fa-"

"How did you know the TARDIS"

wait what?

Right

Great

thank's a lot brain

 _no problem_

WHAT THE-

 _bye bye_

wat

okay right back to the problem

"I said how did you know the Tardis"

okay

Sass? No

Honest? HELL NO

Moo? tried it

Magic? erm...

just run.

Yeah I'm doing that

wait no

the TARDIS magical power thing

never going to work

Plead?

my pride is going to hate me after this

"Doctor can I please go home?"

puppy dog eyes

yes resolve breaking

Crap he came back

"That depends on where you classify home, are you a shapeshifter,Daemon or even a Dalek spy?"

none thank you

"none"

" I am a normal human child and I am not evil, also, what are Daleks, and what are shapeshifters? and what are Daemons? And who are you?"

I asked faking dumb.

This is how I'm getting out.

"hmmm? I suppose you are quite normal..."

yes YES YES !

"wait a second, you aren't getting anywhere young lady! How did you know that I was the Doctor? Why did you ask me again? What are you? This time tell the truth.."

He looked at me intensely

Honestly it looked quite scary

Like an oncomi-ohhhhh

okay I see

this is nice.

Rrrrrrright yeah

back to the death ray thingy mabob

of his eyes.

"IknewyouaretheDoctorbecauseyourfromaTVshow also I am a human."

please don't notice what I said before.

"hmmm,I'm going to have to scan you then,"

You didn't do that before

How no common sense are you!?

ALSO WHY WOULD YOU SCAN A probably not INNOCENT LITTLE GIRL!DIE IN A HOLE!

WHY WOULD YOU F***** SCAN ME YOU IDIOT DOCTOR! I REFUSE TO BE X-RAYED

NO

YOU MIGHT AS WELL BE A PEDOPHILE

YOU ARE 900 YEARS OLD

YOU HAVE KISSED ALOT OF 20 YEAR OLD WOMEN

GO THE F*** AWAY!

please

of course he can't hear thoughts

I think

so he sent his magical death ray towards me.

And he looked confused

A confused doctor is a bad sign anytime.

i'm going die aren't I?

"strange very strange" he murmured

what ! WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG! TELL ME NOW ! PLEASE!

" you're not human"

F*** THAT CLICHE AGAIN!

GO AWAY CLICHE'S !

NO ONE EVEN LIKES YOU!

Before he could keep on going in the probably unstable time stream Donna Noble materialized in front of us.

"What?" She said

"What?" The Doctor said

this is going to such a long time.

right

1\. I'm in Doctor Who

2\. I have the fighting skills of a platypus on land

3\. Antisocial

4I'M IN F****** DOCTOR WHO!

WHILE ALSO BEING A NOOB AS WELL

HELP ME PLEASE!

I'm need help

alot of it

so for this thing I have to probably get caught up in this.

I really don't want to do this.

I am going to be the biggest damn cliche character ever aren't I?


	4. Chapter 4

**HELLO PEOPLE**

 **APOLOGIES FOR DOING THE MASS MONOLOGUE THING**

 **IT'S JUST HOW I AM!**

Ok so now I have Donna Noble on the ship with me.

Did I mention that she was a FICTIONAL CHRACTER

And that she SHOULDN'T EXIST!

YEAH DID MENTION THAT!

ARGHHHHH!

right collect thoughts

-I'm in Doctor Who

-the current time stream is straight after Doomsday

-i'm with "fictional" character Doctor and Donna

-FIIIIIICTIONAL!

\- also Doctor is now mourning Rose

-I'm gonna mess up dat timestream

-wat

-ok

-this is weird

-I'll stop now

Okkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkay...

time to get this plot moving

and just as well... they have just finished saying what

and now my mind has just finished monologuing

not really

Because now Donna is stampeding around

yelling about kidnapped women and then she turned around and noticed me.

Yay

"and who is this!? Another one of your kidnapped women, a girl at that." She knelt down (another reminder that I was way way too short and that wedding dresses itch)

looking into my eyes as if I was some sort of victim of theft she said

"What did he do to you?Don't worry you can tell" haha

as if I could speak at that.

This is awkward

"what! no,she was just like you,well not really"

haha yeah. you hit me with a radiation wave and now your acting innocent.

I don't like you doctor

as 300000-0-00 fangirls heard that and are currently trying to call their way into the this dime

oh no... the tardis rocked

as I said the fangirls that are trying to claw their way into this dimensions probably have knives in their hands trying to draw as much blood as possible for their shrines do not know how bad it is when you are stuck in another dimension with people you know but the people don't know you.

Very confusing

Very desperate

Very bad for someone with the social skills and attractions of a rotting cockroach

back to whatever was happening, huh strange no time passed while I was thinking about all of that. Probably coincidence.

But then...

Donna trampled around the room, looking over everything as if she wanted to find some more kidnapped girls.

She stopped at Rose's shirt

Oh no

OH no no no

The Doctor is going to flip now

"and what is this!? Another one of your kidnapped women! TELL ME! HOW MANY HAVE YOU KIDNAPPED!"

no reply

oh Donna,how thick are you, does he look like the sort of person to kidnap people?

He's just a strange middle aged man sitting in a gigantic room that is completely different with a girl who looks nothing lik

oh

right

yeah I can see where that thought came from. But then again

That Doctor be mad now. Once again I melted into the background

"Who was she! And where did you keep her!?"

Donna stop pushing it! OH my you are really really thick

"I lost her" the Doctor whispered

"Well then you can hurry up and lose me!"

oooh good one

I should use that

Can the Doctor lose me too? The Doctor glanced up at Donna

wait no

wrong time. Let me just edge out even more from this scene.

The Doctor then ran around the Tardis ignoring me completely

oh great,thank you for that self esteem boost.

"right back to Earth to lose both of you,"

aww yis, Donna Noble be dat Savior

no idea what happened but still

YES! I'M FREE TIME TO GO BACK TO MY OWN DIMENSION/PLANET! HIP HIP HOORAY THREE CHEERS FOR ME!

once twice thrice and we are on earth

HIp hip hoora

where the f*** am I. Exiting the Tardis I realized that even though I have watched this episodes a lot of times

I still don't know where this is. As the Doctor went back in the Tardis to check it Donna started being surprised at the whole

oh loook bigger on the inside!

so there's that-

AND HOLY CRAP DONNA WHERE ARE YOU GOING WHAT ARE YOU DOING

AJSDHFKJASDFLASD!


	5. Chapter 5

**hey look help me by reviewing because currently I have no idea how you guys think of this story.**

 **PS. sorry for the hiatus**

 **?: not like anyone noticed...**

 **Me: what?**

 **?: nothing**

 **anyway:**

 **THANK YOU  
COOOOOOKIES!**

 _Last time on what the heck is going on here get me out of here!  
AJSDHFKJASDFHKLJFKAHSDFL_

 _WHAT THE F***_

 _This time on WHAT THE F***_

ASDHFJAKLSDFJADFHLGHD

WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU DOING DONNA!

STOP GROPPING THE TARDIS, I AM SO DISAPPOINTED IN YOU

while the Doctor was figuring out the mystery of *how the actual f*** did this woman get in my Tardis* Donna was subsequently figuring out the mystery of *how the actual f*** did this exist* while I was there pondering the age old question of *how the actual f*** did I get into this mess*

Need less to say, we were absolute geniuses.

well

I guess the Doctor is.

Whatever.

"uh..." I made a small incoherent sound, I hope that Donna didn't hear.

She didn't

good, at least that cliche wasn't in effect right now.

I had no idea what to do in this situation. Why?

Because what are you supposed to do when you have an alien muttering random things in his TARDIS and a /getting married/ woman wondering around with the *bigger on the inside?* question? Bake a cake?

So yes, during this mind boggling weirdness I did absolutely nothing. And stood there...slowly fading...into a bit of uselessness...

"DONNA!" the doctor yelled out,

oh

oh right

she's running out right now, you know what, I think I'll just sit out of this one, have a cuppa in the TARDIS or something, check out that swimming pool in the library. Yeah, that'd be great.

I walked back to the TARDIS and tried to push and pull the doors, they were locked. God Damnit

I guess I have to follow these pricks now.

"Donna"

"leave me alone I just want to get married"

fair point

I just want to get home

"come back to the TARDIS"

"no way, that box is too weird" Donna replied

What am I supposed to do now?

"it's bigger on the inside, that's all" The doctor replied

unlike your brain

.

.

.

"oh, that's all" Donna replied

I have realized that they are walking at a regular pace, shouldn't Donna be running in a situation like this?

"by the way Donna, don't get on any Taxi's with Santa as the driver" I said

"what?"

"what?"

"Nothing" i replied to their puzzled looks.

They shook it off as randomness, I mean, I guess it's reasonable seeing as I turned into a _cow_ just a few hours ago.

While they were talking about weddings and such I was thinking about how to get home...

I wonder if time is different now, My parents won't be home yet, so I think I have another

what 3 hours?

3 hours to convince to get me home.

I miss the feeling of absolutely nothing to do.

"GIVE ME POCKETS" Donna yelled

WHAT T-

WHERE

HOW

WHAT

POCKETS!?

HOT POCKETS!?

Oh right, sassy Donna at it again. Wonderful.

The Doctor seemed, very...surrendery in this situation.

"This man your marrying, what's his name?"

In the last 2 hours I've been here it seems that I have changed absolutely nothing in the actual plot. I mean, I don't want that to happen, but usually a randomly appearing person would at least cause 3 conspirators to absolutely soil themselves in excitement. But oh well

aliens

what can you do right?

aaaaannnd Donna ran off again

f****** brilliant

the only thing the Doctor with all his wit could say was

"I, I'm not, I'm not from mars"

"If you haven't noticed she has already ran off you martian" I said

"you be quiet, I'll deal with you later, after I get her"

Annnnd he ran off too,

wow

Do I exist right now?

I joined them in their taxi hunt and barely before they got in I tapped.

"guys, it's double rates today"

"what?" Donna asked

"haven't you got any money" she said as she turned to the Doctor

"no haven't you?"

the Doctor turned to me

"okay, how did you know that?"

oh, right, should've thought of an alibi first

"who cares! I'm getting married I need a taxi!" Donna yelled

Okay

thank You Donna, you're like the most important person in the universe right now!

Wait, oh yeah, she is. Okay. Right. SPOILERS!

I waited by Donna until the Doctor would come back.

wait, oh s***

NO DON'T GET IN THAT TAXI SANTA IS IN THAT TAXI HOLY MOTHER OF TREES GET OUT OF THE DAMN CAB WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU! WHAT ARE YOU ON!? STUPIDITY? OH MY TREESUS GET OUT WHAT THE F***

"DONNA!"

I ran to the Doctor

" Their cab will miss the turning onto their destination, HURRY UP AND GO TO THE TARDIS!" I yelled,

he/it looked at me weirdly mouthed

"hurry up" and literally dragged me into the TARDIS

manners much.

Smashing a few buttons and some sparks falling around we were off to save Donna.

This was definitely not part of my holiday plan.


End file.
